that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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