i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
