lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
