You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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