i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
