fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
