Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
