the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
