FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
