I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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