I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
