Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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