you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
