I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
