So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
