he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
