you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
