I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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