....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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