Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
