You really coming over, don't trick.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
