I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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