I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i out mim tonsoeep
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