I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
