is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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