I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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