no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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