We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
