The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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