She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
