Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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