the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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