You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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