I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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