where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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