i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
