if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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