..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
