Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
