Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".