It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.