I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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