Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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