That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
