My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.