Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
