i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
