what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
