I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
