making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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