I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
