i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
