I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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