i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
