i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize