i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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