wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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