So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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