Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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