I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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