why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
