i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
