Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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