he thought i was a dude.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
