I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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