I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
