upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
