I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
